#yes even on here where it's not an algorithm pushing takes that will make you mad and make you engage with the post

[yuniper]

don't you just love it when people on here post the most hostile, bad faith takes and then when the post gets popular and people respond with nuanced opinions that the op happens to disagree with, they reblog it with that little "i forgot that we were on the piss on the poor website" so they don't have to acknowledge why their hostile post would receive hostile responses

[secret-subject]

Is now the WORST time to start a hypno themed content channel? (Yes, but do it anyway!)

So this is going to be a wild ride into hypnosis content creation, inspired a lot by my recent return to making it and how things have shifted over the years. This is in no way trying to deter people from making content, quite the opposite, I want to inspire others to take this as a sign to go for it if you've been thinking about it.

So WTF is going on online?

Welcome to YouTube a platform where anyone with some good ideas can start their own hypnosis channel. A place where you can be a spiral with text, an asmr creator moonlighting as a hypnotist, full cam video or an anime girl with a passion for mind breaking. It's actually wild how things have evolved and I love the shift in the medium. Back in the early days of hypnosis YouTube it really was the wild west, and a lot was able to slip by the community guidelines without a blink of an eye, and I should know, I really did push my luck with some of my own videos. YouTube isn't the only platform in this situation now where you can do hypnosis. You have here on tumblr, twitter (or x, make up your mind Elon), patreon, soundgasm, hypnohub, devient art, twitch. Name a platform or site and odds are someone is doing hypnosis there. This is great because it means the community is growing and the potential reach is expanding but it also means that working as a hypnosis creator is now harder than ever.

Back in 2017 I started a YouTube channel which I had no clue would as of today lead me to 95k subscribers and my entire income being funded through patreon. But if you look at my content from then to now there had to be some massive leaps to keep my name and my work in peoples attention span. Most content creators don't last years, I know I am an outlier and not a norm. This is due to the fact that over time tastes change, the algorithm changes to reflect this audience shift and what you did back then is just not good enough comapred to now. I had to be drastic to weather the storms of mental health, physical health, audience rention and analytics galore, branding shifts, shifts in community. It's all a lot to deal with but if you want to do this in any format you have to be ready to put yourself through it to be a success and even then I look at my work now and I don't think it's truly successful, yet.

I haven't made it and I don't think I ever will because that "made it" feeling, the top of the hill, is such a subjective metric that's hard to describe. Back in 2017 if you'd asked me, "Secret, when will you know that you are a great creator?" and I would have told you, "100k on YouTube, I want my silver play button." I still do want it, but not like I did before. Before it was clout to be quite honest. 100k means you are powerful enough to do what you want to do, to be able to reach brands, to make friends and collab with the bigger channels, to have people look at you and take you seriously as a creator. But none of that matters now. Subscribers are less important than ever. What matters now is attention. Retention. Clicks, engagement and views.

Now back in 2020 I was really rude. I made a video called Seduced into Obedience that blew up my channel. It got half a million views before YouTube made me take it down earlier this year. It's an achievement I could never expect to relive and it was all based on cheating the system. See I knew that back in "the day" people loved doing those audios on YouTube where you would "comment I am a good slave" in the comments. Knowing what I know about YouTube I decided to run a little test, an experiment on my channel. A risk that I thought just might pay off and if not, oh well, worth a try. I made an audio with the aim of making people like it, and comment in the comments. In the same style of those before me, I took a concept that was not often seen and honestly a little stupid, I made it and the worst part is, it worked. It got me seen by huge content creators in the mainstream who memed on me for it. It skyrocketted in views and kept going. It was my first video to hit 100k on YouTube and it is a moment that will never happen again. It was age restricted which killed the growth but the channel kept going and it wasn't a viral hit, but it was a dark horse that built my reputation on YouTube and then I went and changed everything.

Why change if it was going so well?

So one thing about the internet is you have to follow the success where it takes you. I could have made several more Seduced audios for YouTube and in fact I did do that for a little while but, tastes change. I changed. I stopped doing what I was doing and started being a vtuber, a faceless creator and I got into ASMR. At the time ASMR roleplaying was massive so this was a strategy I wanted to try, mix my love of acting and fantasy with my love of hypnosis see what happens. It worked pretty well as those videos also started doing pretty good and now I have a bunch of videos over 100K on YouTube. But this also trapped me in a box. Now I have had time to have a break and come back I noticed, YouTube especially is really hard on ASMR creators. It's hard on hypnosis creators. It's hard on creators because the platform is loaded with content. You have to be unique to stand out. You have to play to your audience. You have to gain people's attention through interest and ideas that are still fresh but not too specific to turn away the people who watch you. It's a battle to keep it going and it's one I have made many, many mistakes in. You have to give your audience the most, but not too much. You have to be avaible to people in the comments, but not too much. It's a fine balancing act and one that will drive you insane if you don't have a great support system.

So why am I sharing this with you?

I'm at a stage in my career as a creator where I am fearless to try new stuff. I am trying not to care about my reputation as a domme or as a person (more on that in a later essay, I'm sure). I'm trying to lead with my creative spirit and not be upset when a video doesn't "hit" or "pop off". I'm not going to leave a livestream anymore and cry because no one came to see me do a thing. I'm splitting my time between making music, gaming and creating fun things for me and making hypnosis and asmr roleplays for the people who want it and not being sad if my song doesn't go viral right away. Because recently after a death in my family, a health scare that nearly ended my career and the loss of a huge opportunity that turned out not to work for me, I have learned that life is too short not to make the fun things I want.

I want to share with content creators that doing this fulltime is scary and it is hard. It is tough to see posts do nothing. It's scary to see that platforms want to ban hypnokink. It's rough to have other creators disown you for being the wrong kind of degen. But if this is your passion and your dream to make this work, you can do it.

How do you get noticed in this challenging environment?

Lead with passion and your own point of view.

I'm not kidding here, it's the best and worst advice I can give you. Too different and you alienate people, not different enough and you aren't memorable. But you have to lead with passion. Passion carries through the screen. People can hear it in your voice, see it in your work. But outside of that, here are some other things you might want to think about if you are going to commit to making content of any kind:

Who is your target audience? If you say yourself, great! What do you like? What do you want? What are you goals with interacting with content? Follow that.

What is your brand (and can you say it in a single sentence) I'm literally not kidding. If you can't describe what you do in one sentence your branding needs work. Eg, hi I'm Secret and I'm a hypnotic nyanpire from New Zealand.

If someone was to see you on the internet, what should they remember? The other day I got a great comment on a piece of art I commed, "I saw this and I immediatly thought of Secret Subject, and then I looked and saw it was posted by her", your branding should be that strong because people see thousands of posts a day. What makes you different? For me, it's purple. It's goth mommy. It's cats and bats. Find your vibe and own it. Do not be afraid to double down and make your entire thing about it. Everytime I get art made, I make it about my character and it must have purple hair because that keeps the brand strong in someone's mind.

What is your purpose? For me without a goal of "this is why I make the content I do" I would be lost and unmotivated. Find your why and write it down, put a post-it on the wall. Tell a friend. Whatever you need to remind you, this is why I do what I do. When times are hard or you run out of steam/ideas go back to this and really hone into what it is you want to say.

Own your mistakes and bad days. We all have them. That thing didn't do well. That video wasn't great. There was a mistake in this thing or I accidentally made a tweet that went viral for all the wrong reasons. It happens. Be honest with yourself but exercise kindness. Own your mistakes and show people you are human even if you play as an anime vampire catgirl online.

Make connections for the right reasons. As an ex-vtuber I can tell you it's hard when people use you or befriend you "for something". It's okay to build business connections and make this all about business but be honest with people, it does go a long way. Have respect for people who are fellow creators and if you seriously are looking for "friends" that's fine but also know that being friends and colleagues in content are not the same and the lines get very blurry at times.

Be persistant instead of consistent. You've probably been told "constancy is key" a bunch here, hell, you may have heard it from me. I used to teach this as part of my content class at cons but it's not as important as just sticking with it. We are not robots. We can't just all schedule tweets to go out perfectly timed and are all amazingly funny all the time. You need time to come up with quality so take it, but do not give up. If you give up and throw in the towel often you won't make it. Especially on social media. Taking a break or hiatus is fine, I just had one myself, but if you everytime it gets too hard say "I'm done" and then come back on a cycle you are just hurting yourself.

Perfection is a creativity killer. Just post that thing. Sometimes just posting that thing will lead to a new classic for the community.

Time to make your mark

I'm still grinding, we all are still out here making it happen in our own ways. I am so excited to watch the next gen of hypnosis creators florish and thrive. I am a huge simp for my friends who take on this challege because they all work so hard and have so much passion for this weird niche kink we all have. I am in awe of people who feel the fear of this journey and keep doing it. I'm in awe of people who started before me and are still here doing it, because it is not easy and I am over pretending it is.

We need diversity in content and especially in hypnosis kink. I am a person from New Zealand, a small country where a lot of us tend not to make a big splash in the world. People like me don't get the kind of platform I am lucky and insanely grateful to have. I encourage you to take your point of view as a kinkster, and make your mark on the world too. Play safe, care about your content and do good. Remember that you don't need thousands of dedicated fans to be popular and you can be someones favorite regardless of how "seen" your work is.

[charleyad]

Changing the Visual Experience: The Game-Changing Power of iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer

Have you ever watched an old video, grainy and pixelated, and wished you could turn back time to capture it in crystal-clear clarity? What if I told you that you can essentially do just that, without a time machine? Enter iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer, a piece of tech wizardry that's turning the content creation world on its head. But is it really as revolutionary as they say? Let's explore in and take a closer look.

You might be thinking, "Sure, upscaling video resolution isn't new. What's the big deal?" Ah, but iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer isn't just about upscaling. It's about the seamless, near-magical change that happens when AI meets your footage. This tool doesn't just stretch pixels; it rebuilds the video from the ground up, enhancing details, smoothing out the motion, and yes, even upscaling it to stunning high-resolution formats like 4K at 30FPS without any quality loss.

Now, you're probably curious about how this works. Well, without getting too technical, iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer uses advanced AI algorithms to analyze every frame of your video. It fills in the gaps, predicts what should be there based on what it already knows, and voilà, you have a video that looks like it was shot on a camera far beyond your budget.

But let's pause for a moment. Isn't this just another tool that's going to make everyone's content look the same? I mean, sure, your old vacation footage looks better, but isn't originality what makes content unique? A fair point, but iFoto isn't about uniformity; it's about potential. It gives creators the tools to raise their work, to bring their vision to life in ways they never thought possible.

Imagine you're a filmmaker with a passion project shot on a shoestring budget. Your footage is raw, it's authentic, but it lacks the polish of big-budget productions. With iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer, you can take that raw footage and give it the visual pop it deserves, without sacrificing the heart of your story. It's like having a secret weapon in your creative arsenal.

Now, some might argue that this kind of technology is just creating a level playing field, making it easier for anyone to produce high-quality content. But isn't that the beauty of technology? It democratizes the tools of creation, allowing anyone with a passion and a vision to share their story with the world. iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer isn't just enhancing videos; it's enhancing dreams.

Of course, no tool is without its critics. Some say that relying too much on AI to enhance our work makes us lazy, that we should be striving for perfection in the initial capture. But isn't it also about pushing the boundaries of what's possible? If we limit ourselves to what we can achieve in the moment, without the aid of technology, where does that leave innovation?

So, what's the real takeaway here? iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer is not just a tool; it's a testament to human ingenuity. It's a reminder that we don't have to settle for what is, that we can always strive for what could be. And in doing so, we might just change the way we create and consume content forever.

The next time you find yourself looking at a video that's less than perfect, consider this: What if you could make it perfect? With iFoto's Video Quality Enhancer, the future of content creation is not just about the videos we capture, but how we choose to enhance and share our stories. Are you ready to take your content to the next level?

[sciencestyled]

When Cells Go Viral: The Wild World of Bio-Inspired Video Art (And Why Nature Might Sue for Copyright)

Ladies, gentlemen, and sentient houseplants of dubious origin, gather 'round! Today, we're diving headfirst into the chaotic cauldron where biology high-fives art in the most spectacularly weird ways imaginable. Yes, we're talking about how artists pilfer Mother Nature's secret design plans to create video art that'll make your eyeballs do the Macarena!

Imagine, if you will, a world where sunflower spirals and snail shells are the VIP guests at an art gala, sipping on quantum cocktails and debating the merits of string theory in Esperanto. That's right, folks—natural patterns aren't just for making your Instagram feed look pretentiously profound; they're the unsung superheroes of visual media!

Take the Fibonacci sequence, for example. This sneaky little number pattern is nature's way of showing off, like that one friend who casually mentions they ran a marathon while juggling flaming swords. From the swirls of hurricanes to the arrangement of leaves, Fibonacci is everywhere, silently judging your inability to solve basic algebra.

But wait! There's more! Let's not forget about phyllotaxis—the study of how plants decide to organize their bits and bobs. It's like botanical Tetris but with fewer existential crises. Artists latch onto these patterns faster than a cat pounces on a laser pointer, incorporating them into animations that make you question whether you're watching a video or experiencing a mild hallucination.

Now, let's get microscopic—literally. Cellular automata and growth patterns are the VIP backstage passes to the concert of life. They're the reason why snowflakes refuse to conform to societal standards of uniformity. Artists use these concepts to create visuals that are so trippy, even a kaleidoscope would say, "Dude, dial it back a notch."

But how do these creative wizards actually incorporate biological forms into their work? Well, it's not by smearing algae on a canvas and calling it a day, although that would be eco-friendly. They use techniques ranging from generative algorithms to good old-fashioned animation, crafting visuals that make your brain cells do synchronized swimming routines.

For instance, consider the animation "Nature's Algorithmic Groove"—a hypothetical masterpiece where fractal patterns dance to dubstep remixes of whale songs. It's both a visual feast and an auditory enigma, leaving audiences both dazzled and mildly concerned for the artist's sanity.

Speaking of examples, let's mosey over to some real-world case studies before I get carried away and start inventing more nonsensical art pieces. Remember the video installation "Cellular Dreams" by that artist who probably drinks kale smoothies infused with rocket fuel? It's a mesmerizing display of cellular mitosis projected onto the side of a building, making passersby question whether they accidentally wandered onto the set of a sci-fi movie.

This brings us to the artistic and scientific merits of such works. On one hand, they're pushing the boundaries of visual media, making even the most stoic observers emit a whispered "Wow" (or possibly "What the heck did I just watch?"). On the other hand, they're bringing scientific concepts to the masses without the need for stuffy lab coats or the risk of accidentally creating a mutant fungus.

Now, let's talk about the educational impact because, believe it or not, we're not just here for the memes and mind-bending visuals. Using art to teach biological concepts is like sneaking vegetables into a chocolate cake—people don't realize they're consuming something nutritious until it's too late. These science and art videos are the Trojan horses of education, and we're all willing participants in this delightful deception.

By enhancing appreciation for nature through art, we're essentially rebranding biology from "that subject with all the Latin words" to "the coolest thing since sliced bread decided to become toast." People start to notice the intricate patterns in a simple leaf or the mathematical perfection in a pinecone, all because some artist decided to make a video that looks like a screensaver on steroids.

But let's not ignore the technological integration that makes all this possible. Bio-inspired algorithms in video creation are like the secret sauce in your grandma's legendary spaghetti recipe—complex, a little mysterious, and absolutely essential. Advances in microscopy and imaging allow artists to capture the tiniest details, so now we can all enjoy high-definition footage of amoebas doing whatever it is amoebas do in their spare time.

However, with great power comes great responsibility—or so said a certain uncle in a superhero movie before meeting an unfortunate end. The representation of life and nature in art raises ethical and philosophical considerations. Are we honoring nature or exploiting it? Is the artist's role to merely reflect environmental awareness, or should they be out there hugging trees and adopting pandas?

Some argue that by turning biological patterns into art, we're commodifying nature, like selling bottled water labeled "Unicorn Tears." Others believe it's a celebration, a way to bring attention to the wonders of the natural world without resorting to guilt-tripping people with pictures of sad polar bears.

As we pirouette towards the conclusion of this rollercoaster ride, let's acknowledge the ongoing dialogue between biology and art. It's a conversation filled with inside jokes, awkward pauses, and the occasional interpretive dance. The potential for future exploration is as vast as the universe—or at least as vast as the number of streaming platforms you have to subscribe to in order to watch all your favorite shows.

In this ever-evolving video gallery of artistic expression, biological patterns and forms serve as both muse and medium. Artists will continue to draw inspiration from the complexity and beauty of life, from the spiraling galaxies of fern fronds to the labyrinthine networks of neurons firing in our brains as we try to make sense of it all.

So, dear students, the next time you see a piece of video art that looks like it was made by a computer having an existential crisis, take a moment to appreciate the biological inspiration behind it. Who knows? Maybe you'll be inspired to create your own masterpiece, or at the very least, you'll have a fun fact to drop at parties to make yourself seem infinitely more interesting.

And if nature does decide to sue for copyright infringement, well, at least the court case will be one heck of a spectacle.

[techtired]

How Managed IT Services Are Transforming Claims Processing for Insurers

Let's face it: dealing with insurance claims is as much fun as a root canal. At least with a root canal, you're knocked out for most of it. Insurance claims? Not so much. It's a paper-pushing, number-crunching nightmare that can make even the most patients want to pull their hair out. But what if I told you there's a way to make claims processing less painful than a trip to the DMV? Enter stage left: managed IT services for insurance. Yeah, it sounds about as exciting as watching paint dry. But stick with me here because this tech stuff changes the game in ways that'll make your accountant dance happily. The Old Way: When Claims Were a Pain in the Assets Remember the good old days? You know, when processing a claim meant: Drowning in a sea of paperwork Playing phone tag with clients (and losing every time) Manually entering data until your fingers go numb Praying to the insurance gods that you didn't make a typo Yeah, those were the days. Like getting a root canal without anesthesia. Fun times. The New Hotness: Managed IT Services to the Rescue Now, let's talk about how managed IT services for insurance are flipping the script faster than you can say "deductible." 1. Automation: Because Robots Don't Need Coffee Breaks Imagine a world where claims get processed faster than you can say "fender bender." With automation tools, that's not just a pipe dream. It's reality. Intelligent Forms: No more squinting at handwritten claims. Digital forms that auto-populate? Yes, please. AI-Powered Processing: Algorithms that can spot patterns and flag potential fraud. It's like having a super-smart intern who never sleeps. Workflow Automation: Claims get routed to the correct department faster than your lunch order at the drive-thru. 2. Cloud Storage: Because Filing Cabinets Are So Last Century Cloud storage isn't just for your vacation photos anymore. It's revolutionizing how insurers handle data. Accessibility: Access claims from anywhere. Beach-side claims processing, anyone? Scalability: Growing faster than a teenager? Your storage can keep up. Disaster Recovery: Because Mother Nature doesn't care about your paperwork. 3. Data Analytics: Turning Numbers into Knowledge Big data isn't just a buzzword. It's your new best friend in the claims world. Predictive Analytics: Spot trends before they become problems. It's like having a crystal ball but with more math. Risk Assessment: Price policies more accurately. Your actuaries will love you for it. Customer Insights: Understand your clients better than they understand themselves. 4. Mobile Integration: Because Life Happens on the Go In a world where people can order pizza with a tweet, shouldn't they be able to file claims just as easily? Mobile Apps: Let clients file claims with a few taps. It's like Tinder but for insurance (and less disappointing). Real-Time Updates: Keep clients in the loop without playing phone tag. Geolocation Services: Verify claim locations faster than you can say "GPS." 5. Enhanced Security: Because Hackers Love Insurance Data Too With significant data comes great responsibility. Managed IT services for insurance don't just process claims; they lock them down tighter than Fort Knox. Encryption: Your client's data should be as secure as your secret cookie stash. Compliance Management: HIPAA, GDPR, and whatever other alphabet soup regulations come your way. Threat Detection: Spot the bad guys before they can say "data breach." The Bottom Line: It's Not Just Faster, It's Better Now, I know what you're thinking. "Sure, this all sounds great, but what's the catch?" Well, hold onto your actuarial tables because here's the kicker: Faster Processing Times: Claims that used to take weeks now take days or even hours. Improved Accuracy: Robots don't get tired or distracted by cat videos. Higher Customer Satisfaction: Happy clients mean fewer headaches and more referrals. Cost Savings: Efficiency isn't just suitable for your stress levels and bottom line. Real Talk: The Challenges of Change Okay, let's take a breather from all this tech-utopia talk. Implementing managed IT services for insurance isn't all rainbows and unicorns. There are challenges: Initial Costs: Good tech isn't cheap. But neither is falling behind. Training: Your team needs to learn new tricks. And no, "turn it off and on again" doesn't count. Integration: Making new systems play nice with old ones can be like herding cats. But here's the thing: the benefits far outweigh the hurdles. It's like going to the gym. Sure, it's painful at first, but what about the results? It's worth every drop of sweat. The Future is Now (Or at Least Next Tuesday) Look, the insurance world isn't exactly known for being cutting-edge. We're not exactly the cool kids at the tech party. But have you managed IT services for insurance? They're changing that faster than you can file a whiplash claim. The question isn't whether you should embrace these changes. It's whether you can afford not to. Because while you're still pushing papers, your competitors are pushing boundaries. So, what's it going to be? Are you ready to step into the future of claims processing? Or will you stick with the old way and hope for the best? Remember, in the world of insurance, hope is not a strategy. But have you managed IT services? That's a game-changer. Now, if you'll excuse me, I must file a claim. With my smartphone. While sipping a latte. Because that's how we roll in the future of insurance. Welcome to the party, pal. Read the full article

[persephoneslounge]

If You Love Art, Astrology, or Just Need a New Platform, Check this Out

If there's one thing I learned during my Saturn Return, it's I'll never fit in, and that's absolutely okay, because neither do a lot of people. A lot of voices aren't counted in the world of social media and even beyond it, and what does Nina Simone say? "You've got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served." But to put her idea further, you have to build your own table, and make sure that the people sitting there genuinely are meant to be there. And that's what I'm doing with my brand new social media space. I'm building a table especially for those who don't have a seat at the others. And I'm not doing this to be rebellious or make a statement, I'm really doing this to prove that social media can be done properly, with feeling. What started as an idea for a space for artists and astrology lovers, became more.

One thing that’s always stood out to me when it comes to social media is its aesthetic. Haven’t you noticed? Everything is blue, and grey. This concept of neutrality was designed to attract as many people as possible, which is great at first, until you consider what it really means: it erases diversity. There’s this idea that we mustn’t address our differences to avoid rocking the boat, because that’s dangerous. It disrupts the harmony of posting, sharing and liking, and pushes us to think critically on the content we consume and create.

Well I’ve never been the neutral type. I’ve ended friendships and even connections to family members over a silent agreement to being neutral. Yes, to some extent, we need to give people grace, but in situations where there’s an elephant in the room and people try to decorate that elephant with shiny objects, this creates a culture of conflict avoidance, which then leads to either of two things: passive-aggressiveness or censorship.

For example, on social media, you might notice people typ|ng c@pt|ons l|ke th|s. This is one way to avoid being flagged or banned with certain words, and the irony is often these words aren't actually offensive, it's what they represent. Usually people have to do this when making posts about subjects like abuse, trauma, or social issues. You know, anything that reminds the algorithm that we don’t have a perfect world where everyone is a flawless and tanned influencer. And no hate to people who work as influencers, it's just that I like my feed filled with people I actually follow already.

Social media as an introvert and artist used to be my happy place, because it’s the easiest way to connect and express myself. Till it wasn’t, and I had to carefully curate each post based on what would be the most tolerable, most "like"-able and least likely to get muted. It’s easy to say we shouldn’t take the internet seriously, but whether we want this or not, it’s a huge part of our lives, so we have no choice to make it better.

One thing that’s been lacking on social media is how we go about people who don’t fit into a specific box. I get it, it’s hard to market or share if you’re someone who’s passionate about a million and one things, but it’s even harder to put your work out there if you’re an artist since obviously, most artists enjoy more than one skill. It’s also hard sometimes for those who love spiritual topics like astrology because to an extent, there’s still a certain taboo. You could imagine how much harder this gets on platforms that thrive on stereotypes and niches. As someone who’s both an artist and an astrologer, of course I thought of you, but let’s not gatekeep either. We know what that feels like.

This is where that new platform comes in. It’s called Persephone’s Forum, and while initially it was going to be just a forum added onto my main website, I decided to take it a step further, by making it into its own social media website. You can add friends, chat, and post as expected, but... values are key here. You can even get verified, as long as you show that your account name is what you typically use online. More importantly, you don’t have to walk on eggshells anytime you post. As long as you aren’t making remarks that are racist, sexist, homophobic, or show any type of discrimination, and you don’t bully people, you’ll be welcome. Sounds like the obvious, right?

Actually that’s another thing I felt was lacking in mainstream social media, the inability or even refusal, to draw a difference between self-expression and talking down to others. It just shows the privileged position of the people who run these spaces, when they’ll ignore blatant discrimination, but will gladly ban someone just for saying something about Black Lives Matter or women’s issues, or even for mild swearing. And I get it, sometimes kids are online, but there’s only so much pleasing everyone. At some point, we need every adult to take accountability. If it’s more important to make extra profit with certain business partners than to do the right thing, is your business actually that social? If companies like Ben and Jerry’s can go about raising awareness on social causes and still make money, then the issue isn’t reputation, it’s about priorities, and those like Zuckerberg seem to be picking the wrong ones.

Going back to the point of encouraging neutrality, I think it’s just another way of saying who has a voice and who doesn’t. Because who decides what that looks like? Beyond the obvious like religion, sex, and politics, are we supposed to avoid every topic that brings up some emotion? There’s something very patriarchal in telling us that we have to swallow our emotions and just buy whatever products come up in suggested pages or late night scrolls, or to do another little dance vid. The idea that emotional posts and videos aren’t likely to get pushed for views, says a lot about where we stand as a people.

Never in my life did I even imagine creating my own platform, but in hindsight, it was bound to happen. I’ve been on almost every version of social media since 2006, and in university, my friends were a group of guys from the engineering department, so most of our conversations revolved around computers and software. Despite all this, I was studying in film but didn’t fit into that department any more than the engineering department. And if there’s one person in tech I admire for being a misfit too, it’s Steve Jobs, despite having no interest in Apple products.

Persephone’s Forum is born in a time when a lot of world events are happening, and people need a safe space. It’s here at a time where creators have to avoid posting certain pictures to prevent being shadowbanned for nudity, when there’s no actual nudity there. It’s born at a time where Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook/Meta, announced that he would start charging for the blue checkmark, which let’s be real, was initially a symbol of privilege anyway since only famous people seem to get it. It also comes at a time where Elon Musk bought Twitter, only to destroy it slowly from the inside. It also comes at a time where more than ever people are looking for ways to just be heard.

At one point, social media was the place where you could reconnect with an old friend or even just learn HOW to connect. In 2023, it’s become a place where the rich flaunt their Gucci purses and latest vacations in front of millions of followers who most likely are struggling to feed their families. It’s become a place where class is what gets you up there, unless you’re lucky, or patient enough to post incessantly every day. Not to mention scrolling feels like you’re mindlessly absorbing content, when the whole point is to be social. Now it’s just... media. I’d like to change that in some way.

Just over ten years ago, owning a social media platform was revolutionary, but these days, it’s a part of our everyday lives, which means it’s no longer enough to wow people with new emojis or life-like filters, or talks of virtual reality. These days, you have to have values and integrity. You have to show others that their voices are heard, and one thing I learned is that to the people who’ve run the show till now, we aren’t heard. That’s why I did something.

In all honesty, how can you expect diversity from mainstream platforms anyway, when they’re predominantly founded and owned by white men? Aside from Zhang Yiming, the founder of Tiktok, and Sheryl Sandberg, the COO of Meta, and of course if you want to count Whitney Wolfe Heard, the founder of dating app Bumble, there’s not much more representation. Black-owned apps TrueSo and MelaninPeople are gaining traction, but have yet to really be put in the spotlight.

Even when it comes to the aesthetic for Persephone’s Forum, there’s no blue or grey. It’s classic and elegant, but also practical, just like the Greek Goddess. It reflects what’s possible when a person takes something into their own hands. And like Persephone leaving the Underworld, it reflects a bit of hope.

The idea for Persephone’s Forum started out as really being intended for people who are artists, or who just love the arts, for people who are astrologers or who just love astrology, but I don’t like fences, I like bridges. Think of it as more of a space where you can be... yourself, whatever that means. Without any algorithm. Without any influencers (sorry not sorry). And especially without darn crummy eggshells. Also, hopefully without bots either, because those can be a pain in the #ss, and the work will be put in to keep it that way longterm.

And if I’m being honest, I don’t expect Persephone’s Forum to change the whole world. If ever it does change something, that would be amazing, but my priority is to simply keep it true to who I am, and to who a lot of other people are. It isn’t reinventing the wheel, it’s just showing off the parts that truly matter. And what we’ve been seeing lately, ain’t it. Maybe for some, but for the rest of us, we’ll be over here. Where we can be who we are, not who they want us to be.

Register for Persephone’s Forum at persephonesforum.com. The Queen of the Underworld welcomes you.

To check out my books, social media and more, visit persephoneandco.org.

https://www.tumblr.com/media/3f98dfc1c8338445c5379e82d0e791d5

[nickgerlich]

Let’s Be Friends

I laughingly remember my freshman year of university. It was the fall of 1977, and I was away from home for the first time. While I had dated a young woman my senior year of high school, I knew that it was over because I was going to be off doing my own thing, meeting tons of new people, and perusing all the fine young ladies who were allegedly there just to “get their M-R-S degree.”

We’ve come a long way from then, thankfully, but I digress.

One of the first campus activities that was held that fall was computer dating. Yeah. The kind that people do on their phones with ease these days, swiping this way and that, reading inflated profiles, and so on. Back then, we had to answer a battery of questions documenting our interests, which were then fed into a computer and handy punch cards created for each participant.

Because it was a private Christian school, there was never the option for those who wanted to stay on the same side of the aisle (even though I now know long after the fact that I did have some gay peers on that holy ground). Those cards were all then read, and matches made by an algorithm that would have put Facebook out of business, were they also trying to place ads.

Somehow I managed to get three matches. I actually went out with two of them. Once. I could point them out in a yearbook, but I have no recollection of who the third person was. Apparently I was so unimpressed with the first two matches that I simply gave up. I knew I could do better on my own. And I did.



Skip forward to the modern era, and dating apps are the norm. Nearly 40% of couples today report having met online, and it is significantly higher among gay couples. Dating apps have become a lot like online shopping. Given our hectic disconnected digital lives, it can be very difficult to meet new people, much less explore romance. These apps help solve that problem.

But another artifact of these times is that we have fewer close friends than we once reported, especially among men. Only 15% of men report having one or more close friends. There are now dating app equivalents aimed at helping people pursue platonic relationships, like Bumble BFF, a feature on the broader app.



My first reaction was, “Oh my. How pathetic must a person be that they would go online looking for friends?” Never mind that relationships of any kind take time, something that is precious these days. And yes, there is a huge shame element, because we normally think a person would have multiple friends before they start settling in on one for a romantic relationship.

But it’s true. And for guys, it is especially true after they marry and have families. While their wives may still have their girl friends, guys often wind up with none. They go to work. Mow the lawns. Haul kids around. Put them to bed, and read them a story.



Been there, done that, and saw my Dad do it too.

We also cannot forget COVID, which pushed many of us into the deep cave of our homes. Remote working, where allowed, continues the COVID effect on being able to be out and about among people, any people.

I see some potential problems, though. Can you trust that a stranger truly wants a platonic relationship? Can a guy say he wants a guy friend, but it’s not a gay thing? I don’t know about you, but I’d rather stick to making tons of Facebook and Insta pals, and then maybe arranging a meetup if the online conversations take off. Maybe I just don’t trust online profiles, especially the kind you would find at Bumble, Tinder, or any of the rest.

That said, there is a great marketing opportunity here. Just as dating apps proved themselves worthy toward monetization, friendship apps can do likewise. And while Bumble BFF has actually been around since 2016, it is now gaining major traction, especially among Gen-Zers, the folks most likely to live that disconnected digital lifestyle.



Imagine knowing their interests, their location, all the demos. Yeah. This might even be better than the info that Facebook collects. Never mind folks actually meeting up, there’s advertising revenues to be made and algorithms to be deployed.

Which I just wish they had back in 1977. Good grief, those were two of the most boring dates in my life. Not that I’m the Most Interesting Man In The Room, mind you, but whomever was doing the programming behind it all must have liked the hermit life.

Dr “Still Not Buying This“ Gerlich

Audio Blog

[citrusandsalt]

Algorithms that suppress content for mentioning one of the Forbidden Words are obviously bad.

But the solution isn't to make fun of the people who adapt language to circumvent that, even if they go on to use that language outside of the original setting.

Below the cut, I'm going to talk about circumlocution like "unalive" and word-censoring like "r*pe" make me feel as someone who has had brushes with both. The actual events will not be described.

So the pod ep went on to say that anyone who uses "censored" language like "unalive" (as in "to unalive someone" as a way to avoid algorithms that will flag and suppress posts with the word "kill") make you sound "stupid" and that using them is a form of cowardice.

A: you've clearly never heard my therapist say that she helps people who want to "unalive themselves" because that shit was hysterical

B: I have not looked this up, but it feels suspiciously like we're doing the thing where teenage girls use language in an inventive way so we belittle it

C: Language is meant to be playful, and unalive is a fun word to say! Fuck off! Whomst of the millennial fanfic writing tumblr users among us has the right to say "no, you don't get to use that word, it's stupid"

And also, like. I hear the argument that goes "if you can't even say the word, you're not mature enough to be writing about it" and like - what about context, my dudes? What about time and place? I love adopting new slang for horrific things because it's separated in my mind from the words that I used about the the thing while it was happening. Just because I can say the big scary words doesn't mean that I want to at all times in all places.

"omg, i'm gonna kms" is not the same register as "I'm going to kill myself." The second one can also be facetious and playful in the right company but like. as someone who has gotten texts like the second one that were not joking, the first one is a clearer shortcut to "haha, yes, we have real depression that we are really dealing with, but also we are safe and not going to actually take action on suicidal feelings." The first one tells me quickly and definitively that we're in a fun joking place; the second one gives me that kick-thump of horrorpanic before I can get to "haha yup relatable."

Similarly - asterisking out vowels helps my mind sort of...skate over the subject? What happened to me was not "r*pe" because "r*pe" isn't a word. It's not a thing. It's some consonant sounds smushed together. And you know what? I don't always want to engage fully and authentically with my entire adult body and brain with sexual assault. Sometimes I wanna be able to read on the internet and not delve fully into my memories and associations with a thing.

There are phrases that I don't use unless I have to be extremely direct and specific in describing trauma that has happened to me. Instead, I use synonyms that, because of how memory and association and patterning works, don't push the same full-body-panic buttons. "TikTok" language gives me more room to play in talking about my experiences, in taking myself less seriously, in dipping in and out of troubling content.

[Sidebar: You should always tag or warn for content using its full, complete name. People set their mute/block lists by what the thing is actually called - sexual assault, rape, suicide - and it is important to use the tools that let people avoid the subjects they need to avoid.

That's not what I'm talking about here. Here I'm talking about casual posting. If you're tagging a fic or a post or giving content notes about a work, do not use circumlocution.]

I fully get if you don't want to use circumlocution yourself. I get hating seeing it because it means sometimes people fail to tag things in useful ways or because they are forced to do it to dodge actual censorship. But to say that doing it is stupid or the people who do it are immature is to miss the twinned points that language is infinitely adaptable and human brains are real good at associations.

Championing speech does not mean being a prescriptivist.

And it definitely doesn't mean shitting on people who use words in a way you don't like.

You ever listen to a podcast made by people nominally in your cohort and go huh

We've had very different experiences, you and I

[newworldproductions]

Is Marketing with Video Right for My Business? Here’s Why the Answer is Yes!

In the modern world of business, where attention spans are shorter than ever, video marketing is a game-changer. You've probably heard this buzzing around the digital space, and maybe you're wondering, "Is video marketing really worth it for my business?" Spoiler alert: The answer is almost always a resounding YES! Here’s why.

1. Video Marketing Grabs Attention—Fast

Let’s face it, we live in a scroll-happy world. People’s thumbs are constantly flicking through endless streams of content, and unless you’ve got something eye-catching, your business message might be lost in the noise. This is where video shines. Studies show that videos are the most likely content to stop a scrolling thumb dead in its tracks.

Whether it’s a vibrant explainer video, a slick product demo, or a relatable customer testimonial, videos grab attention immediately. Why? Because we’re visual creatures. Our brains process visuals 60,000 times faster than text! So, if you want to deliver a compelling message in seconds, video is your best bet.

2. Videos Build Trust and Credibility

People want to do business with brands they trust, and guess what? Video helps you build that trust. Why? It’s more personal. Videos give your brand a human face and voice, which helps build a connection with your audience. Customers can see and hear your message, making it more relatable and trustworthy.

For example, imagine potential customers watching a behind-the-scenes video of your team working on a project. This pulls back the curtain, showing authenticity, and making your business feel more real and relatable.

3. Videos Boost Engagement Like Crazy

Social media algorithms love videos. Platforms like Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn, and TikTok prioritize video content because they know people engage with it more. Videos drive more comments, likes, shares, and conversations than any other type of content. This means your brand’s message is not only seen but spread like wildfire across networks.

In fact, research shows that video posts on social media generate 48% more views than posts with just images. If you’re not utilizing video, you’re leaving engagement on the table!

4. Marketing Videos Improve Your SEO

If you’re looking to rank higher on Google, video can give you that extra push. Google owns YouTube, which means incorporating video into your strategy can do wonders for your search rankings. A well-optimized video on your site (or even better, a YouTube channel) increases the chances of your business showing up on that coveted first page.

And it’s not just about being found on Google. Videos also keep visitors on your site longer. This longer “dwell time” signals to search engines that your content is valuable and relevant, giving you a better chance to climb the search results ladder.

5. Convey Complex Information Quickly

Explaining a complicated product or service can feel like a daunting task, especially in a crowded digital marketplace. But video has the power to break it all down quickly and clearly. Whether it’s a product demo, an explainer video, or a step-by-step tutorial, video simplifies complexity.

People are more likely to understand and remember information presented in a visual format. So, if your business sells something that needs explaining, video is your secret weapon to making the complex seem simple.

6. Videos Increase Conversions

Let’s talk about the bottom line: money. At the end of the day, video isn’t just about engagement or views—it’s about driving conversions. Video can increase conversion rates on landing pages by 80% or more. That’s a jaw-dropping number, right?

How does it work? By appealing to emotions. Videos can evoke feelings like excitement, urgency, or trust, which encourages viewers to take action. Whether it’s signing up for a newsletter, purchasing a product, or booking a consultation, video helps nudge customers through the decision-making process.

7. Videos Are Versatile

One of the best things about video marketing is its flexibility. You can create different types of videos depending on your business goals:

Brand Awareness: Showcase your brand’s story and mission in a quick, engaging format.

Product Demonstrations: Highlight the features and benefits of your products in action.

Customer Testimonials: Build credibility by showing real customers talking about how great your business is.

Tutorials: Educate your audience on how to use your products or services, establishing your business as an industry leader.

The beauty of video is that you can use it across multiple channels—your website, social media, email campaigns, paid ads, and even in presentations. It’s the marketing tool that keeps on giving.

8. Mobile Users Love Video

Mobile isn’t the future; it’s the now. More than 70% of all online video views happen on mobile devices. If your audience is constantly on their phones (hint: they are), video is the format they want to consume.

Short, snappy videos are especially effective on mobile, where users are looking for quick entertainment or information. This aligns perfectly with modern user behavior, giving your business an edge in reaching today’s mobile-first consumers.

9. Stay Competitive

Let’s be real—your competitors are probably already using video. In fact, a staggering 86% of businesses use video as a marketing tool, according to Wyzowl’s State of Video Marketing report. If you’re not jumping on this trend, you’re at risk of falling behind.

But here’s the good news: There’s still plenty of room to stand out! With the right approach, you can produce videos that are unique, creative, and true to your brand, putting you miles ahead of the competition.

10. Video is More Affordable Than Ever

Gone are the days when producing a high-quality video required a massive budget. Today, video marketing is more affordable than ever. With advances in technology and a range of video production services (including ones tailored for businesses like yours), creating polished, professional videos doesn’t have to break the bank.

From animated explainers to live-action shoots, there’s a solution that fits your budget and needs. And when you consider the return on investment, it’s clear that video marketing offers serious bang for your buck.

So, Is Video Marketing Right for Your Business?

In a word: Yes. Whether you’re a small local business or a large corporation, video marketing is a versatile, engaging, and effective tool to grow your brand. It grabs attention, builds trust, boosts engagement, and most importantly, drives conversions.

Still unsure? Start small. Test the waters with a single video and see how your audience responds. Once you see the results (hint: they’ll be good), you’ll wonder why you didn’t jump on the video bandwagon sooner.

Ready to take the plunge? Let’s get rolling! Your audience is waiting, and they want video.

Now is the time to invest in video marketing. If you're unsure where to start or need help creating videos that truly stand out, our video production team at New World Productions is here to help! Let's bring your vision to life and take your marketing to the next level.

[anneapocalypse]

Okay, I have kind of an offbeat take on whole "tiktok kids not understanding why AO3 doesn't have an algorithm and recommendations" thing.

No, AO3 definitely does not need an algorithm and we don't want one! And yes, there definitely is something concerning about data collection and algorithmic recommendations becoming so normalized that a whole generation thinks a website is broken when it doesn't have them, and plenty of people have written good posts about that so I'm not going to rehash what they've said.

But I also want to ask, is there a need (or even a desire) that's going unmet here, and if so what is it?

Because there is such a thing as decision paralysis, especially in a large fandom. Hell, I've experienced it myself in recent years, moving from a small fandom where I like a lot of rare ships to a bigger fandom where I like a lot of ships that are popular. The search results can be overwhelming even when you know how to use advanced search and filter for what you like. (Which I do! I'm an old millennial who's been using AO3 for a long time, I know how.)

You know what's great for finding fics to your taste? Rec lists. Rec lists from friends with similar interests. Rec lists from people with similar tastes. Rec lists that happen to cross your dash and catch your eye and make you think, "Oh, maybe I'll check that out!"

I do find a lot of what I read just from doing my own searches, but sometimes it's just really nice to hear, "You should read this, it's great, I think you'll really like it, here's what it's about."

And while I know rec lists are still a thing... I feel like I really don't see them as much as I used to. I used to be in a fandom that held a monthly "Rec Day" on the first of the month, and I loved that, and participated enthusiastically for a long time, but eventually the organizers moved on and people stopped doing it. Over on dreamwidth, where we don't have reblogging, I try to make regular rec posts with what I've been enjoying in fic and fan art. Lately I've been thinking I'd really like to get back into the habit here, too.

We don't need corporations tracking us and pushing automated recommendations at us, and we certainly don't need AO3 getting in on that.

But recs lovingly made by us, for us, to each other? Yes. Absolutely.

So here's me committing to doing more of that.

[sootonthecarpet]

hate how just looking at things online is like an inherently loaded economic and political choice now. do I want to familiarize myself with what the bigots that endanger my country are saying by checking out primary sources? I'm giving them 'clicks', boosting their ratings and potentially encouraging an algorithm to share their content more widely.

if I go to watch them speak on youtube they may make money directly off of this. if I download an ad blocker to get around this, I am taking away money from small time marginalized creators if I watch any of their videos without disabling it. if I want to read a news article that implies people like me are less than human, I have to accept that I am giving them the positive feedback of my engagement JUST by clicking on the link. depending how I am serviced this link (such as through an automated rec feed that came bundled with a default web browser) I run the risk of reinforcing to my personal device that I would like to be served more links from news sites that run stories implying people like me are less than human, rather than that every few months I will grudgingly observe bigotry with the intention of better guarding myself against it in the future.

every decision I make to look at or avoid something on most major websites, especially news, video platforms, and any social media site but tumblr, has to take into account not just "do I want to have seen this" but "do I want to concretely make this thing more popular and/or leave a trail of stored information registering me as somebody who wants to observe this thing?" I'm not on tiktok (I don't even log in to youtube) but the way the algorithm there works, prioritizing content you spend the most time looking at (or perhaps unable to look away from?) rather than content you mark yourself as 'liking', is something right out of one of my paranoid delusions.

the push for a more profitable internet is one of the driving forces behind our online panopticon and I've seen very little discussion about how this like. automatically makes the very basic act of trying to get context on the way bigots who want you dead are drumming up support into an action of direct support for bigots. yes, I know there are adblocks and archived page versions and all kinds of clever little workarounds. but when did we need a workaround to be able to see with our eyes without funding nazis? I could, let's say, walk into a library and pull a copy of mein kampf off the shelf and skim through it where I stood without having at any point provided money, validation, or a 'boost' in publicity to nazis active in my country, and potentially without anyone else becoming aware that I am reading a copy of mein kampf. if I wanna read a fox article because I know they're a wildly popular news network that has been on the cutting edge of american bigotry my whole life? I have validated fox news's siterunners with my pageview, left an enormous digital paper trail, potentially encouraged my device to show me more fox news articles, and potentially provided fox news with ad revenue they can use to more efficiently spread their dangerous lies and half-truths.

faced with meaningful and legitimate calls to de-platform hateful voices on an immediate interpersonal level, and sentiments like 'here are screenshots/wayback links, please don't give them the clicks' as the only pushback against this constant tracking and leveraging of our viewership (to say nothing of how often content creators rely on widespread outrage and hatewatching to gain engagement that their fans alone could never provide, and the subsequent pleas to avoid watching any bigoted content whatsoever lest you fall prey to their outrage marketing), the logical choice in the absence of someone else offering an easy workaround begins to look like self imposed ignorance and isolation; unless we have a great degree of computer literacy, or hacker friends with the same who can handhold us through our entire online presence, we are forced to either resort to knowingly funding bigots (and potentially marking ourselves as one), or to refusing to arm ourselves with knowledge altogether. YEAUGHHH 💢

[alldni]

Blaire White is the next Alex Jones-

She's being sued for defamation.

Trans woman Eli Erlick is the one sueing along with a trans lawyer, Remy Green.

Please watch the YouTube video to boost them in the algorithm and donate to the legal team's GoFundMe!!

From her Gofundme:

My name’s Eli. I’m a writer, activist, and graduate student. I’m also a trans woman and the subject of one of Blaire White’s newest videos. If you’re here, you probably already know who Blaire is: a notorious trans YouTuber that promotes far-right conspiracy theories and chronically defames trans people. Her videos have caused immense harm to our communities and this fundraiser aims to push back against the damaging anti-LGBTQ+ narratives she peddles.

We want Blaire White to be the next Alex Jones.

Blaire has made a huge profit from her series of video attacks on trans people, parents, and children. Yes, actual children. The more outrageous they are, the more she stands to earn. In August, she created a video denouncing me by implying I’m a pedophile, drug trafficker, and child groomer. At the core was the central claim that I harassed a former partner to suicide. Not only is the individual still alive but Blaire knew her statements were false. She hasn’t apologized yet, even after knowing she lied on camera.

I’ve received countless harassing comments, misgendering messages, and death threats since she made her video. While being subject to this video that has nearly half a million views might be terrifying, I also see it as an opportunity: a rare chance to stop her from harming even more people. Her statements were made with “actual malice”: the necessary legal component of defamation of public figures. This means we have the grounds to create a legal case.

Blaire’s videos have incited mass harassment campaigns against vulnerable people all around the country, myself included. But, this isn’t just about Blaire and this isn’t just about me. Far-right commentators like Blaire feel that they’re free to lie and defame queer and trans people without any repercussions. Trans teachers are being fired from jobs, trans teens are losing healthcare, and trans parents are threatened with having their children taken away because of these lies.

In the past, Blaire has publicly acknowledged that she’s defamed trans individuals like Janae Marie Kroc and Riley J Dennis. However, none of us have tried to take her to court before.

That’s where you come in.

This case is being handled by Remy Green of Cohen & Green. Remy has won against Blaire in court before and is confident she can do it again. The initial court costs will likely be around $60000. I’m in school, and I can’t afford this on my own. But, with community support, and the millions of people who would like to see this form of digital hate speech challenged, we can make this possible.

I’m a strong believer that courts aren’t always the best place to fix injustices. Courts chronically fail marginalized communities, and the odds have historically been stacked against us. However, Blaire White is beyond restorative justice practices. This is a clear-cut case and Blaire is already weaponizing these same systems. She attempted to have the DEA arrest me and has called the police on numerous activists before as content for her videos. We’re here to say, this can’t happen anymore.

Finally, I want to be as transparent as possible about costs. All funds are going directly to Cohen & Green law. If they receive more funds, they can even strengthen our case with additional evidence collection. I’m not doing this for money: I’m doing this for the message. If we have any funds after the case, they’ll either be used in similar litigation or donated to organizations like the Marsha P Johnson Institute, Trans Justice Funding Project, and The Okra Project.

You can message us directly if you have any additional questions about the case.

---

Disclaimer: Donations are non-refundable and are not tax-deductible. Excess funds may be used to fund similar litigation by agreement with our lawyers. Donating does not entitle you to receive any confidential information about or exert any control over the litigation; nor does it establish any contract between you and our lawyers or confer any rights upon you as a third-party beneficiary. Please consult a professional if you have questions about the legal or tax implications of donating. Thank you

Support the fund here.

[izusun]

*hands you an AU dump to hoard like a little goblin handing a small coin to a dragon*

OKAY so basically: after the doctor's visit where Izuku learns he's quirkless (I hc that they went when he was about five n' a half), Inko does a little bit of research on quirks and more specifically on her son's notebooks, learns that he's even more brilliant at quirk analysis than she originally suspected, and (after looking at some not great quirkless statistics) she instead informs Izuku that no, he's had a quirk all along! It's an analysis quirk!

So she updates the quirk registry, and Izuku goes through his life believing he has an analysis quirk, albeit teased for being a late bloomer, but he still can't shake the insecurity being quirkless for that one and a half year gave him.

He does research on all sorts of things, hacking, knife throwing, first aid, and building his own support gear and takes to all of it like a duck to water. He also does research on UA's policy for support gear in the entrance exam (cause surely they've gotta have a policy for non-offensive quirks like Koda and Hagakure) and finds that he can take one with him if he builds it himself. He goes fuckin bonkers.

Anyways: he trains with Katsuki, cause they're relationship is pretty good since Izuku has a 'quirk.' They both demolish the entrance exam. (Also Izuku kinda swears a lot because Katsuki rubs off on him)

Aizawa doesn't notice a goddamn thing is amiss until the battle trials on the second day (he decides to shadow All Might that day), where when he was using his quirk to silence his students while Izuku was rambling, he just didn't stop, as if he didn't notice anything was wrong. It happens again during the USJ.

So at some point during the sports festival, Nedzu (who is now intrigued because of Aizawa's complaining) invites Izuku into his office during a free period and lets him go ham on analysis, all while Aizawa is secretly there erasing Izuku's 'quirk.' Nedzu invites Izuku to be his personal student (making Aizawa go grey), he says yes, and then Nedzu drops the absolute BOMBSHELL that Izuku is actually quirkless. Cue an existential crisis.

(Also Izuku gets captured at the training camp alongside Katsuki because of his "analysis quirk," wonder how well that goes for him~)

- Goblin anon (sorry this one was kinda long)

GOBLIN?? DUDE???? HOLY SHIT I KNEW YOUR AUS ARE ALWAYS PHENOMENAL BUT THIS RIGHT HERE??? D U D E

i misunderstood the prompt a bit but i genuinely don’t know how to backtrack, so here you go goblin. sorry again o(TヘTo)

ok first of, inko taking on a stronger stance to support her son? love that of her. like, she doesn’t say sorry when izuku turned to look at her and cried that he can’t be like all might. instead, she took him in her arms and assures him that he will be a great hero. at first, of course half of it is lip service because she doesn’t know how to help her quirkless boy be a hero, since, you know, heroes need quirks.. (or do they)

and then she comes across a quirkless self help group which rang many many warning bells in her head. what kind of life do quirkless people live when a google research of them resulted in subsequent pages of results like how to stay safe when quirkless, or how to find jobs when quirkless, or quirkless mortality rates?

she fears for izuku, until she notices that her son’s smart. too smart for his age, but inko thought she’s just being biased. but izuku’s wit is something many people notice, for an instance, when izuku goes to the park to play and his friends’ (the few ones who stayed) parents tell her that her son’s smart for a quirkless person, she realizes that izuku’s wit is far more vast than normal.

then a thought worms into her head but wouldn’t it be bad to lie…but also, no one would be any the wiser.

further pushed by all the statistics she keeps seeing, or the lack thereof, about quirkless people, she makes the decision and pours it to izuku.

izuku who’s far smarter than his age and understood what his mom is asking from him. izuku who already saw the disparities between quirked and quirkless people at the tender age of five. izuku who knows what it means to lie about something as personal as a quirk, but realizes that it’s necessary for him to do so if he wants to live a “normal” life.

so he agrees; he tells inko that he’ll work even harder to sharpen his mind, and to keep expanding his knowledge.

when izuku’s quirk file is officially updated, he watches how his peers and teachers revert back into treating him as izuku. he regains his old friends, but he chose to drop them because he doesn’t want to surround himself with people who thought he was less for being quirkless.

katsuki stayed, surprisingly. katsuki stayed and everyday he kept bothering izuku to “get your quirk already!” katsuki stayed because he can’t fathom that the smartest boy in their class (of course not as smart as him, psshh) is quirkless. deku couldn’t be quirkless. (but if he found out that izuku, indeed, is, i wonder what would happen…)

katsuki was one of the loudest to celebrate when izuku announced that his quirk arrived.

“finally!” he screams and bothers izuku about the semantics of his quirk. he really wasn’t surprised to find out that izuku has an analysis quirk because he thought that nothing else would better be suited for izuku.

he doesn’t know that izuku pours so much of his time into learning and studying, often bypassing basics and intros to take more of the developed courses that are usually recommended for older ages. he doesn’t know that izuku is just a naturally smart kid with the ability to fill the gaps of his young mind with knowledge upon knowledge, storing and stacking them until he feels that he’s laid a sturdy foundation for his fake quirk.

then izuku began threading into different areas. he learns how to get into cyberspaces; hacking into accounts and delving more into how to access private information. he doesn’t thread too close lest he gets caught, but he learns the logistics of maneuvering around the web and burrowing in empty spaces to branch out his own. he creates and designs web algorithms for himself, just so he doesn’t trigger anyone who is looking into the web movements. he hones this and uses it to access more information.

then when he deems it enough, he turns his attention to something more tangible and something more physical. he learns other ways to be a hero; how to fight without a physical quirk, how to win against bigger opponents, how to use analysis quirk in fights.

izuku becomes more than a fake analysis quirk user; he creates it.

mental quirks are hard to describe, more so to compress, thus he creates new definitions of an analysis quirk. what used to be a silly lie is now a tangible fact that izuku believes in. because what makes a quirk? because what makes analysis a quirk? he learns these semantics (often political) and uses it to his advantage.

then he finally threads to hero analysis. at first it were classmates he analyzed; eyes running quickly at their forms and watching with great interest before calculating everything he’s seen and transversing it with the things he learned, and bridges these two facts together to create an analysis. it was a struggle at first: he didn’t know which to put emphasis on until he realizes, he doesn’t need to. he weaves them together and lets his analysis run long and watches how his hobby comes into fruition.

following his classmates are current heroes. these were more tough and more fun, and any of the information is less shared. he doesn’t tell his classmates or teachers about his analyses, only katsuki. and katsuki’s breath hitch every damn time at izuku’s talent quirk.

it is in their second year of middle school that midoriya begins to incorporate the facts with himself to create physical performances. the issues and things he learned through observing are now practiced by himself. he calculates the best way to fight with a body as petite as his, often taking examples from pro-hero hawks and other women heroes. their agilities and physicality suit izuku’s young body; he doesn’t see the merit in punching his way through things when he physically cannot.

so he learns ways to ease his muscles. he learns ballet and gymnastics; lets his muscles contort and mend themselves anew. he finds his balance and roots himself firmly, and learns to calculate his actions so he doesn’t waste his energy. katsuki doesn’t say anything, but he sees izuku’s dance and falls in love.

then in the spring of their third year of middle school, izuku learns how to build and handle weapons.

this is the easiest. izuku learns that weapons aren’t tools, but extensions of his arms and hands. they are not to be revered and not to be depended on because they can fail. instead, he learns to wield weapons as though they are parts of his bodies. he learns how to use swords and often narrowing to wooden sticks that can be picked up anywhere; he learns how to fire guns and how to hide daggers in his uniform. he learns that his body is the best weapon to use and that tools are just arsenal to help him win.

then he learns how to build them.

by summer, izuku begins reaching into UA’s servers. they are hard codes to crack, but not impossible. it takes him five days to access old entrance exam videos. the next day, the videos are snuffed and he is left to try digging deeper into UA.

he fails.

nezu must have caught onto his codes and proceeded to build walls against it.

so he slithers out. but a five minute video of last year’s entrance exam is enough for izuku because he learns two things: one, heroes must defeat villains and two, heroes must save others.

izuku prepares for this. unknowingly, katsuki is taught these same principles. katsuki would grumble and tell him that he knows what heroes must do, but izuku continues to hammer it down to him.

by the time of the UA entrance exam, izuku falls into the ease of having a fake quirk. he passes the written exam with flying colours and although it took three teachers to approve his support gears (present mic had to pull in powerloader, midnight, and hound dog to ensure that the well designed support gears are made by the hero student examinee and not by a support student examinee. majima saw the works and begged nezu to allow izuku to be his student.), izuku still succeeds and dominates the entrance exam.

when the zero pointer was released, he had flung himself towards the girl crushed by debris and yanks her out. he doesn’t waste a modified grenade to explode the zero pointer because through his calculations, doing so would not only create more collateral damage, but would also endanger the examinee in his arms because she still would be caught in the crossfire.

nezu hums in appreciation from the screening room, after all, smart minds always do think alike.

izuku gets a whopping 92 in the physical aspects of the entrance exam.

katsuki gets 85.

aizawa gleefully takes them in.

izuku thinks that no one will ever know of his and inko’s secret, but one look at nezu’s beady eyes and he knew that the stoat knew. it became a game to them, then. a game to see who else would realize.

and while izuku is smart, he doesn’t realize that nezu has basically taken him as his personal student the moment he and izuku had created a bet.

it takes two months for aizawa to figure things out. surprisingly, he is the only one to do so and he only realizes due to the many untimely attacks of LoV.

——

how angst would it be if katsuki realizes that izuku’s always been quirkless during their captivity in the LoV’s hideout.

[aceofthegreenajah]

Okay more wheel takes stuff - again, podcast of wot readers one of who is a professional screenwriter. This is about how episode 1 begins and not as verbatim as the previous one cos I wasn’t even planning on typing this up but then I did. It has some cool industry-insider insights in it. Again no spoilers past wot episode 1.

Gus: With that central question being ’who is the dragon’, and that being the propelling, motivating thing throughout this season, this change [starting with Moiraine] makes sense to me.

Ali: Yes, it does, because I think if they had started with the point of view of any other character the audience would immediately assume that that was who the dragon was. And/or it would have detracted from the stasis according to the protagonists. So by necessity, they had to start with Moiraine.

Gus: [] In the show we get a lot of time spent in the two rivers, meeting the characters – but in the back of our mind throughout the entire thing we have Moiraine’s question: who is the dragon reborn?

Ali: Yes and I think they made this choice to depart from the books a little bit for a reason I want to speak to. [] So when we talk to our interns about writing – something that I tell interns is: the amount of time you can wait before an inciting incident happens is predicated mostly on how long an audience is willing to invest in a particular product. With a book, it’s usually within the first 100-150 pages that an inciting incident should occur.

Gus: Which, in eye of the world, that’s about when the [paraphrased] dramatic trolloc attack takes place.

Ali: So you have a big tentpole moment happening then and Moiraine arrives not that far before that. That’s because people, for whatever reason, are more willing to give books more of their time and investment than they are for a tv show, let’s say. In a play you should have the inciting incident happen about 15 pages in. They audience has dressed up, they’ve hired a babysitter, they’ve gone out to the theater – which, is typically not that cheap in terms of tickets. And the actors, most importantly, are right in front of them.

Gus: So the likelihood that you’re going to give up on that, 10 minutes in, 15 minutes in, if you don’t know what’s going on -

Ali: Low.

Gus: [] The book, you can also pick up and put down whenever you want.

Ali: And then, in a film you want it within the first ten. We’ve still gotten dressed up and gone out to the theater, but there’s no live actors in front of us.

Gus: And the tickets are probably cheaper.

Ali: We can leave whenever we want. In a tv show, where you can change the channel whenever you want – first five pages. First five minutes of your thing, we need to know why we’re here. [] I think they pushed a little bit, in terms of how long the gave it. They had a lot more exposition to jam in. But we’re getting production companies coming to us and saying ’we have algorithms for our streaming services that say if you don’t have some kind of interesting action sequence within the first two minutes of a tv show people will change the channel’.

Gus: So that actually is a wonderful seqway to what I wanted to talk about next, which is the scene with [] Liandrin chasing down apparently two men, but actually one. And that is also a scene that is not explicitly there in the book, but I think was there to provide the ’oh my god what’s happening’ moment and also to provide some necessary exposition in a relatively show-don’t-tell way.

Ali: That’s one of the core screenwriting tenets, show don’t tell. So they could turn to us and say ’this is what’s up with the magic, men can’t channel’ but it’s not visually interesting. Film and tv are visual mediums. So you have to see something physically happening, we cannot just get talking heads. So in my opinion, I think that amazon came to them and said – because we know from reading articles and stuff that the original opening of this tv show looked a little bit different. [] Nothing ever gets made in a vacuum. Rafe is at the end of the day responsible for a lot of decisions that get made, but he is also beholden to the executives at amazon who will allegedly give him – what is it, 11 000 notes?

Gus: I believe it was 11 000 on the first episode. []

Ali: And when you work in this industry you have to work out how to delicately give people what they want even if they don’t know that was what they wanted. So I am assuming that the algorithms that amazon has are the same as the algorithms in the places I’ve been talking to, and that they said: we need a tentpole moment from the beginning. And that is why they wrote this scene. And I think that what it did very effectively was, again, show-don’t-tell what happens to men who can channel. And give us a great laugh line with ’it’s not him’.

Gus: And I would say also perhaps introduces a slightly antagonistic relationship between Moiraine and Liandrin. Because to me – if we take their goals right from the outset. Moiraine’s stated goal is ’I am going to find the dragon reborn’.

Ali: And three of those candidates are male. []

Gus: Conversely we see Liandrin [] chasing down and doing something to men who can channel. Something that looks to be extremely painful.

Ali: So that immediately puts them at conflict. [] I definitely think that was a good look at the madness that takes over men who can channel. I was talking to a first-timer [] who said: ’There was a lot for me to process but at the end of the day what I know for sure is that men who can channel – it’s a bad thing.’

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[itsthestutterforme]

Your Fault (Supernatural)

Summary: Mary Winchester had died and Jack is in the wind. Sam and Dean just finished burying her and Dean is furious. He takes it out on Y/N and Cas, which leads Y/N attempts to take her life. Dean manages to save her before she follows through. He tries to comfort her but she refuses, so they bring someone else.

Warnings: mentions of self harm, mentions of suicide, attempted suicide, mentions of suicidal thoughts, please do not read if any of these trigger you. And please check up on your friends. You never know what they are going through and refuse to tell anyone about.

Characters: Dean x reader, Sam x reader, Castiel x reader, Jack x reader, Bobby x reader

--

You continue to pace back and forth in the study. "Pacing won't help anything," Cas states as he sits down at the table. "It helps my nerves, that's all that's matters right now." "How are you holding up?" Cas says, looking to you with concern weighing on his ocean blue eyes.

"What if they hate us, Cas?" "He can't hate you, Y/N. You're like family." "No, you're like family. I'm just.. I don't know what I am. You heard Dean, he said we were dead to him." "He's just in pain and he needs us," "We'll see." The door creaks open and the sound of the door closing echoes through the bunker.

Sam's face weighed with sadness, his forehead is absent of it's normal concern creases and his eyes were red and puffy. Dean on the other hand, his face was a neutral but the vertical crease between his eyebrows dipped. "Dean," you say, trying to hold his hand but he pulls away from you sharply. "Don't," he says before pushing past you.

"He just needs time," Sam says before approaching you. "Sam, I.. I'm so sorry." Cas says. "I know," Sam says softly before returning his gaze back to you. "I'll go check on Dean," Cas says before leaving the room. More tears escape Sam's eyes and you take his hand to lead his to his room. He follows you go the room and you close the door when you both lock in.

He sits on the edge of the bed and combs a hand through his hair. You stand in front of him and he looks up at you as he unravels before you eyes. You sit down next to him and his lips quivers. "Come here," you say, opening your arms and he leans into your shoulder. Your hold the back of his head and sobs into you.

The more time passed, the more intense his sobs became. Tears prick your eyes out of guilt and you lean your head against his temple. You were the support role for the Winchesters. The sound board of sorts. Even Mary came to your help for advice when she messed things up with the boys. She said that you knew them better than she did, well, the adult versions anyway.

You met the Winchesters through Bobby when you assisted with stopping the Leviathans and you just kept running into each other in various states. You were convinced that they were stalking you and they were convinced you were stalking them. You did not have any close family telling you to stop hunting, all you really had was Bobby. So you continued to find and go on hunts.

Soon enough, you ended up tagging along with the Winchesters and grew closer with each hunt. Sam is more in tune with his emotions, unlike Dean. Dean sees showing emotions as weak. Any other emotion outside of anger is rejected by him.

He was pissed at you and Cas, you knew it. And what's scares you is that you've never seen him that angry before, let alone at you.

The look he gave when he said if Mary was dead, that you were dead to him, sent chills down your spine. You love and depend on these boys. You would hope that the feeling would be reciprocated, but you're starting to question that. After thirty minutes of holding Sam and drawing circles on his scalp, he falls asleep.

You gently pull yourself away and kiss his forehead before quietly leaving. "You can't keep pushing yourself away, Dean," "Enough of this! Stop pretending to care! If you cared, you would have told me that there was something wrong with Jack ages ago!" "Hey, what's with all the yelling?" You ask, walking into the study.

"Sam is finally sleeping," you add. "How could he sleep after we just buried our mother?" "Hours of crying can drain your energy, believe me." You answer vaguely, not wanting to expose yourself.

"Why are you guys even here? It's clear what side you're on," "There are no sides here, Dean." "Yes there are. There's our side and there is Jack's side. Obviously, you're on his."

"You hated him from the beginning like some how he could control who his father was," Castiel defends. "And clearly I was right because she killed my mom!" Dean yells. "We don't even know the full story, Dean." You say. "I don't care about the whole story. It's about an eye for an eye now." "Dean, come on,"

"No, I think you guys should leave. Go somewhere else, anywhere else besides here." "You know that something goes wrong with the plan. Something always goes wrong," Castiel says. "Yeah, and why does that's something always seems to be you?" Dean snaps. "The angel with the bent halo and the leech overtook their stay," he adds.

"You don't mean that," you whimper with tears threatening your eyes. "I mean every single word." Dean snarks as he nears you. "Since Bobby introduced us, you were like a parasite trying to find it's host in us. No one else wanted you so you thought that we did. Sammy may have made you think that you're needed here but you're just a burgen. And that's all you ever will be," Dean spits.

A sharp pain pierced through your heart and you felt like you were going to be sick. "And you--" "Enough, Dean. You've said enough," Castiel snaps, knowing you were barely holding it together.

"I'll be gone by morning," you say softly before walking into your room. You close the door and lock the door behind you. Your eyes fall to the drawer where you hide your thin razor.

Everytime you relapse, you make the same promise to yourself saying that this is the last time and things will get better. But truthfully, things have only gotten worse and now you question if there's even a point from refraining. You slowly approach the drawer and open the top hatch to reveal the razor.

You take it's thin presence in your hand and smooth your thumb over it. You walk to the bathroom to take off your pants and pull down your underwear a little to see the other faint scars litter your butt and thighs.

You sigh and look at yourself like the filthy, disgusting scar that you were. Just as you were about to dig the razor in when I hear the door knob jiggle. "Y/N, it's me." Cas calls from the other side of the door.

The sweat from your palm makes the razor slicks and it slides right out of your hands. "Wait, no!" You watch helplessly as the razor falls down the unnaturally large drain. "Y/N, is everything alright?" Cas askss. "Yeah, I'm fine. I just need a minute," you call but fear got the best of Cas. He used his wings to fly into the bathroom and he sees your scars.

You quickly pull up your pants and buckle them. He opens his mouth to speak but you go off on a frantic tangent. "Castiel please don't tell them. If they find out that I'm doing this, they'll... they'll look at me like I'm some broken toy that needs fixing." "You are so much more than just a toy, Y/N," "It doesn't matter," "Stop dismissing yourself,"

"What can I say? I've been dismissed all my life, so I try to beat it to the punch." His face softens and he steps closer to you. "How long has this been going on?" "Since Bobby died,"

"That was yea-" "I know it was years ago but the pain is still fresh. I never got the chance to actually mourn him because I was busy helping the boys."

"Just please don't tell them," "Okay." You lean into his chest and he puts his head on top of yours as he hold you. He's less awkward than the first time I hugged him. "I'll pack my stuff tonight but can you drop me off in Boston. I've always wanted to go there." You ask. "Of course, if that's what you want." "Well what I want, I can't have. So this is the best alternative,"

"What do you want?" He asks, pulling away a little. "To escape," "Escape from the bunker or escape the world?" It's amazing how fast he catches on things now. He's come a long way from before. "Both," "Y/N-" "I'm fine, I'll be fine." "I'm sorry but I don't believe you. You've been suffering in silence while Dean takes out his suffering on you, it's not fair."

"Life isn't fair, Castiel. But if you really care about me, then you won't tell them and you'll let me leave. You'll let me escape," you say pushing on his chest. "Promise me," you add. "I promise," he says reluctantly. "Good," you walk back into the room and take out your duffel bags.

You can feel his stare on you but continue to pack. "You deserve better than this," "I'm not too sure about that. Hey, you mind stopping by the grocery store to pick up some snacks?" You ask. He eyes you suspiciously before saying, "Alright." He opens the door and walks out. You wait until the bunker door closes to pull out your laptop and scroll through your files until you come across ImSorry.mp3.

You click on it and look at yourself talking. This wasn't the first time you've had these deep, dark thoughts. But this is the first time they're winning. This seems like the best way to stop your pain. It'll be painless. You wait a few minutes to become one with your intentions.

A shaky breath leaves your lips before standing from the bed. You press pause on the video and activate the algorithm you created to send out the mp3 file an hour from now.

You should be gone by then. You close the laptop and advance towards the door. You walk past the kitchen and through the study when you hear Dean say, "Where are you going?" You stop in your tracks, careful not to let a sob slip. You take a deep breath before walking up the stairs to go to the garage.

"Y/N, wait," he says. You close the door and pick a random car in the garage to take out. You slowly drive out to the nearest bridge. You pull off to the side and put the car in park.

You hop outside and hold onto the ledge as you peer over. The water gushes and hits the massive rocks on the sides. Judging by the height of the bridge, it would kill you on impact.

You inhale sharply before hiking one of your legs over the ledge. You swing the other leg over and cautiously stand up on the ledge. Strong gusts of wind push and pull your hair every which way. You open your arms and close your eyes as you let the wind tug your body closer to the water.

Your feet stayed planted on the concrete ledge and you inhale the wet, salty air from the water below. "I'm sorry, Sam," you whisper. You hear a familiar hum of an engine. You look over your shoulder to see Dean getting out of the car. "Y/N, what the hell are you doing!" Dean yells.

You return your gaze back to the water and you move one foot off the ledge. "Damn it, I didn't mean anything I said. I.. I can't loose you too, please." You turn away from him to hide your tears. "Please, Y/N." "It's time that I be with Bobby, now Dean," "No!" You lean forward and lift off the ledge with your back foot.

Your hair covers your face, preventing you from seeing anything. And that's probably for the best. Gravity gains control of your body and you tumble down towards the water when you feel a strong hand grab your ankle.

Another hand grabs your waist pulls you back onto the ledge. Your eyes meet Dean's wide green eyes.

He pulls you down so your feet are planted on the ground. "You actually jumped. You were willing to die because of something I said," he says in disbelief. He holds the sides of you arms with a firm grip.

"Let me go, Dean," "I can't," "You were more than willing to push me away, how is this any different?" "Because I need you alive. Damn it, I need you."

He squeezes my arms and you stare into his eyes for a moment before looking over your shoulder at the water. He grabs your wrist and drags you towards the trunk of the Impala.

He lifts the trunk and grabs a pair of hand cuffs. He captures your wrists in the them and pushes you into the passenger side.

"Did you even think about us when you jumped?" He says sternly. You look out the window the entire ride back to the bunker. When he pulls into the garage, he lifts you out of the car and motions you to led the way back to the bunker's door. The door opens and there Sam and Cas stood at the bottom of the stairs.

"What happened? Why is she in handcuffs? And why did we get a I'm sorry video from you?" Sam asks frantically. You decided not to say anything and sit down at the table. Dean approaches them and tells them to go to the kitchen. He informs them of what you tried to do and Castiel was pissed.

"Im mean how can she be so selfish?" Dean snaps. "Selfish?" Sam repeats. He was about to say something else when Cas cuts him off. "You are such an asshole, Dean. She's dedicated more of her life and time to you both instead of herself. She hid her suffering and her pain to make sure you two were okay! She was hurting herself damn it, but of course you would give a damn about that!" Cas snaps.

"Cas," Sam mediates. "You have the nerve to shame her for having a big heart. I don't care if I'm dead to you because you blame me for Mary, you're dead to me for making Y/N believe that she'll never be good enough for you!" Cas spits. He pushes past them and makes his way over to Y/N long strides.

"Come on, Y/N, we're leaving." Cas motions you to stand up. You shake your head no and he adds, "You want to stay here?" "I don't know what I want, Cas, that's the problem."

"You should leave, put this -us- in your rearview mirror." Sam says, walking into the study. You shrug and lean your back into the chair. You lean your elbows on the table and rest your face in your hands.

"You could have told me, Y/N. You've been there for me more time than I can count. Let me help you." Sam says softly. "We can be there for you when you need it, Y/N. You just have to trust us." Cas says.

Sam pulls you in for a hug first and Cas followed suit. Dean walks into the study to see that they were hugging.

He didn't know what to do. He feels at fault for Y/N keeping to herself. He made everything about him and Sam and didn't think about how Y/N was holding up.

**

Even after Cas and Sam showed their support, you remained quiet. You appreciate their efforts, but nothing they can do is going to make you feel the closure that you needed to mourn Bobby.

You stayed behind with Charlie to make sure things went as planned on the flip side. Sam and Dean took Bobby to the hospital after Dick shot him in the head.

An hour after his surgery, he died and you never got the chance to say goodbye. "Are you sure this is going to work?" Dean asks Sam. "I really hope that it does." Sam says before looking to Cas. You were fresh out of the shower and in the process of pulling your hair into braids.

You heard a loud clash followed by the ground shaking. "Guys?" You rush out of the room and run to where you heard voices. "Sam? Dean? Castiel?" You call as you cough from the smoke entering your lungs. You swat away the smoke with your hand and continued to cough.

"We're alright," Dean says. The rest of them were coughing too and when the smoke and dust finally cleared, there stood Bobby in the middle of the dried twigs. Him in his favorite white and blue sea bass hat and the green rain jacket he always wore over his flannels.

"What are you idjits doin'! You know how many unwritten laws you're breakin' right now? Too many, that's how many," "Bobby?" You say in disbelief. "Hey pumpkin," he says with his face softening after yelling at the boys.

He knew you're past all too well and he tried his hardest to help you move past it. And here you are, right back where you started. Your body has a mind of its own and runs over to him. He reached out to smooth a hand over your hair and you gasp in disbelief that he was actually here.

"What happened to you, honey? I told you knuckle heads to take care of her," Bobby snarks. "I relapsed again, Bobby. I'm so sorry."

He holds the sides of your face and caresses the hood of your eyes with his thumbs. Bobby was not the physically affectionate type, but he knew that was the only way to show you that he cared.

"There's nothing for you to be ashamed about. You're human and you make mistakes." You duck your face to hide your tears from him and he pulls you into his chest.

You completely unravel and you sobs prevented your ability to breathe. You collapse to floor and Bobby followed you.

He cradled you into his arms and you sobbed into the crook of his arm. Bobby looks up to the boys and they stare at her. "What the hell happened?" "We don't really know. She's been in a rough patch, but we just don't know for how long." Sam says, watching Y/N's body tremble as she cries.

"You boys were suppose to take care of her," Bobby says. "We know, we-" "We failed her, I'm sorry, Bobby." Dean says, clenching his jaw. "Well don't tell me. Hug her and tell her you're sorry. And you better mean it, boy," he commands.

Dean reluctantly kneels down next to you and tugs you towards his chest. You lean your head into his collarbone and holds the side of your head. You sniffle a little but furrow your brow when you hear him sniffle. "I'm so sorry."

You wrap your arms around his neck and rest your head on his shoulder. "Let's give em' a minute, we're all going to take some turns getting our heads out of ours ass. Come on," Bobby says, motioning the rest of the crew to leave.